10 Insanely Absurd Cars

Yeah, yeah, we all know the Pontiac Aztek is hideous, but at least it served its intended purpose. The Edsel wasn’t such a bad car, and now it’s a highly-sought collector’s item. Oh, and there are such oddities as the Oscar Mayer Weinermobile and the various custom creations of various customizers. None of those are what this article is about.

These ten cars are vehicles you could easily obtain today for a reasonable price, but really shouldn’t. There’s not necessarily anything wrong with their mechanical functions, but their designs should probably have been given another look before they were green-lighted.

LotusEuropa

Lotus Europa

Imagine an El Camino and an Fiat Spider had an ugly mid-engined baby. The designer originally intended it for the Ford GT40 program. On a happier note, that designer went on to create the Black and Decker Workmate. Also, this is the only Lotus that’s handy for small Home Depot runs!

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Suzuki X-90

This is the car I imagine my two-year-old would build if she could. It’s a compact all-wheel-drive targa SUV coupe, and isn’t that what everyone is looking for? It can’t haul, it can’t tow, it’s not fast and terrible off-road, and the targa top is too small.

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Volkswagen Thing 

Originally produced with Mexico in mind, where people wanted a VW that handled dirt roads better than a Beetle. Basically, VW updated the WWII Kübelwagen (which translates to “bucket car”). This car became unavailable in the US after 1975 because it’s as unsafe as it looks.
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i-MiEV

Mitsubishi i-MiEV

Yes, that’s a real car, and as ugly as its name. Every other electric car on the market gets more dates. For three grand less you could get a Ford Focus Electric, which has more range and horsepower… and it isn’t as ugly. The i-MiEV supposedly tops out at 80mph and somehow got a four star NHTSA crash test rating.line

line ProwlerPlymouth/Chrysler Prowler

This “not rod” was meant to appeal to the open-bucket hotrod cruiser crowd, except without the horsepower, torque, or stick shift. This two seater stands out with its unique “retro-retro” looks (what “retro” looked like fifteen years ago). It goes great with oversized cargo shorts and a No Fear shirt.line

CrossCabrioletNissan Murano CrossCabriolet

Seems like when the designers of the Suzuki X90 got canned, they got jobs at Nissan. Oddly, Nissan decided against an Altima convertible because they didn’t see a market for it. Shown is a 2011 model in the showroom. It’s probably still there if you want it.

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line GTcruiserPT Cruiser Convertible

MSRP was $28,155, about the price of a less silly convertible like a Mustang or a Mini Cooper or even a frikkin’ VW Beetle. But hey, you’re making a statement, right?  Probably either “I’m celebate” or “my grandma died and left me this car”.
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Z3coupe

BMW Z3/M Coupe

It’s like someone took a BMW sports car
and grafted a Geo Metro to the back of it. Yes, it makes it stiffer. Yes, it makes it a more practical vehicle. There are people who absolutely love this car and consider it the ultimate BMW. There are also people who think Courtney Love is sexy.

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Hummer H2

The Hummer H2 is a Chevy Suburban, basically, except a Suburban is more comfortable, lighter, faster, and easier to park. The H2 is huge, heavy, slow, gets terrible gas mileage, and you can’t park it. Oh, but hey, don’t you look gangsta!line

HondaInsight

Honda Insight (second generation)

The first Honda Insight was groundbreaking, then Honda dropped the ball. The second generation
was a blatant attempt to make a cheaper (slower,
less fuel-efficient) Prius. The problem was by the
time it came out nobody wanted the real Prius anymore, much less its ugly stepsister.line

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all images via Wikimedia.org via Creative Commons or Public Domain