A mustache, or moustache, however you spell it, is a look only certain people can pull off. The common accord of the female gender regarding a mustachioed man seems to be “no.” They might be up for a goatee or a well-maintained scruff, but not a lip broom. If looking like a ’70s porn star isn’t enough of a turn-off, food stuck on those whiskers will turn stomachs. However, there are a few people men who’ve been able to wear a mustache successfully and have even made it as a crucial part of their identity.
Sam Elliott – This one’s just too obvious, right? Whether he’s Dal Traven, Gar, or The Stranger, the first thing we see is the mustache. The rest of his handsome face is just along for the ride. You’re craving sarsaparilla now, aren’t you?
Tom Selleck – He’s gone without the mustache and just didn’t look right. In fact, without it, he doesn’t look like Tom Selleck. His mustache is a cultural phenomenon of its own. It even has its own Twitter page. Selleck owes his career to that thing. The short shorts we can do without.
Charlie Chaplin (and that other guy) – The Tramp was the most lovable vagrant ever to grace the silver screen. That other guy was 100% a-hole. A-hole guy trimmed his down because his WWI gas mask wouldn’t seal with a full mustache. As for Charlie, he said it gave a comical appearance without obscuring his facial expressions (true for a-hole guy too). The Tramp debuted in February of 1914. WWI started that July, so Chaplin had it first.
Mark Twain – With a mustache that’s threatening to become a necktie, those bushy brows, that hair… it’s as if he just gave up on barber shops altogether. He did file for bankruptcy, so maybe he just didn’t have the cash. It could also have been a trademark. Quick, mentally picture L. Frank Baum. …Yeah, didn’t think so.
Burt Reynolds – Yes, that is the most disgusting picture of Burt Reynolds I could find. Thank you for noticing. Reynold’s fame predated his mustache, but all you remember from Deliverance is Ned Beatty’s scene. Oh… sorry… to clear your head of that thought just look over at the picture of Burt again. For the record, Burt doesn’t like that photo either.
Freddie Mercury – Isn’t it funny how Freddie Mercury and Tom Selleck have essentially the same mustache but one plays as “1970s masculine” and the other plays as “ultimate gay icon?” Not that I’m saying there’s anything at all wrong with that. …Relax, of course I’m kidding. I realize Tom Selleck is also a gay icon.
Frank Zappa – Not only did Zappa manage to pull off a soul patch without looking like a douche, his mustache style was so awesome scientists named a spider after it! Seriously! Google “Pachygnatha zappa” if spiders don’t freak you out.
Frida Kahlo – I’m all for equal opportunity. Jokes aside, I included Frida because her “pubescent boy” mustache, along with the unibrow, was her statement to the world about the standards of beauty. Instead of plucking, she was known to darken her duster with an eyeliner pencil. And you only thought she did it to sell t-shirts!