Vertical videos still get made every day. Despite thousands of PSAs from thousands of well-meaning but irritated souls having been spread about the internet, some people just can’t learn to turn a phone 90 degrees to either direction. Really, the phone companies are largely to blame, because the technology exists to make it more difficult to screw this up. Why not add a warning that says, “You are about to make a video without having turned your phone, which may potentially enrage several internet users. Are you sure you want to do this?”
Here are the five excuses for making a vertical video:
- You’re a very small child or a senior citizen. Actually, being a senior citizen doesn’t automatically give you a pass anymore. If grandma can figure out Facebook, she can figure out how to hold a phone. As for the first part of the excuse, why are your parents giving you their smartphone if you’re a very small child?
- You want to send videos to WorldStarHipHop.com. Everyone on the internet knows that “vertical” is the default format for this “entertainment and news” website. It’s like someone took the Jerry Springer Show and blacked out two thirds of the image. The real fun begins when the action bleeds off to either side.
- You just like to intentionally piss people off. Making all vertical videos all the time would be a totally Andy Kaufman thing to do. Thing is, most people didn’t understand Kaufman’s humor, and a lot of the people who got the joke didn’t think he was funny, so be ready for that.
- You’re a halibut. And seriously, if you’re a fish and you’re making video – without any hands – then good for you! Make all the vertical video you want!
- I don’t really have a good fifth reason. You see, I made a video a couple years ago on this subject and somehow just screwed the pooch on the punchline, which really should have been the “halibut” thing. I don’t know what I was thinking, but to see me really screw up a really good build with a lame-o ending, watch the old-ass, bad-white-balance video below.